Category Archives: Faith

Aligned with Grace

Back in my hippie days, I experimented with “mind control,” another name for auto suggestion or self-hypnosis. I’d sit in my rocking chair by a sunny window, close my eyes, and tell my left arm to rise in the air, all by itself. I didn’t consciously move a muscle and, in a few seconds, up it would float all on its own – groovy!

Next I experimented with positive affirmations and visualization. While in labor with my second child, I closed my eyes during painful hard contractions and visualized a cylinder down the center of my body opening easily to let the baby out. It worked! My pain just melted away and soon, holding a happy baby in my arms, I was totally high and triumphant.

After my conversion to Christianity, I learned the power of prayer and the miracle of God’s grace. It swept away sorrow, guilt, and worry – at least when I remembered to get on my knees! I’ve been blessed with guidance on hard decisions, forgiveness of my sins and missteps, and a deep healing of the wounds received from others.

The last six months or so, I’ve been revisiting my childhood patterns on a far deeper level, making different choices, and asking for yet more healing. I’ve received it in abundance and I give the glory to God. But a slightly different challenge remained: the small two-year-old within, squashed early in childhood, was finally ready to finish growing up. After trying to manage the process with my own conscious powers and regular prayer, I saw a news feature on meditation. I suddenly remembered those long-ago experiences, plus some advice from John Gray while on Oprah in the late 1990’s: What you focus on increases. So I decided to add auto suggestion to this process.

A couple of days ago, after inviting the Lord to guide this process, I created a quiet environment, got comfortable, and started saying to myself: The old is flowing out, the new is coming in. God and I are creating my highest self. I am a person of energy, creativity, and love. Then I pictured myself enjoying a newness of life.

The very next day, I went out visiting people in NW Boise prospecting for listings. I dropped in on a neighbor of sellers I represented last year and whom I’d met at my open house. We had a great chat, and she gave me several leads. Then I knocked on doors in a nice town home subdivision nearby. I had a good visit with an older couple who are planning to move during the next year. Their daughter lived next door, and her boyfriend said they would move too. I’ll keep in touch with them and felt so encouraged that I was finally on the right track with work, just as I pictured.

God was with me that day, and I felt a new maturity as that small child faced a challenge and triumphed! It was very freeing – the capstone of my efforts to build the supporting pieces: my knowledge of town home and condo management, how to research builders and tax records, what to say at the door, and finally how to decisively pass by a unkempt front door. The master architect was behind it all!

What I learned: Use the human techniques of creative change like visualization and self-hypnosis but don’t leave out God’s far more powerful grace – the real miracle worker!

Aligned with Grace
Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 167062

Tough Decisions

Throughout my life, I’ve faced some complicated social situations that have defied simple answers. I’ve learned the hard way that when these challenges come along, the quickest way through them is to allow them to be lessons, not punishments. This takes me to my knees sooner rather than later. Why did it take me this long to understand? Especially when God’s promised rewards are so great and repeated so often in scripture.

We all know that Christianity and other religions counsel us to be charitable and forgiving, and I won’t argue with that. But sometimes that isn’t the whole story. You can forgive someone who repeatedly wounds your feelings, or worse, but then you have to decide how to relate to them in the future. Do we just lie down and let the hurtful behavior continue? Do we let that person hurt your family and friends? Does a relationship bring out the worst in ourselves, and what do we do about that? I propose that there aren’t easy answers nor rules to follow here.

In my church, we are given the gift of the Holy Ghost when we’re baptized so that we can receive personal, divine guidance for situations that are too complicated for simple rules. A gospel teacher once said, “We have only 10 Commandments for a reason – the rest of the time, we need God’s guidance coupled with our own efforts.”

In the 1990s, I was on the HOA Board of the condominium building where I lived, and we faced some sticky problems relating to each other and the owners at large. Another board member said something I’ve never forgotten: “A relationship is a lot like being inside a large circle of rope on the ground; sometimes problems can’t be solved, so you just need to step out of the circle – just STEP OUT.” Wow, that seemed harsh at first, especially to someone like myself who can overdo the “mothering the whole world” mentality. But we can’t take care of everyone, we can’t make every relationship work (“it takes two to tango”), and we don’t have unlimited emotional and physical energy to invest without robbing other areas of our lives where we can be effective. Coupled with divine confirmation, I have actually found this to be both liberating and a quicker path to reconnection, should that be possible.

None of this should discount the very real times when we need to stick it out in a long-term relationship with serious challenges: a family member with an addiction, an ongoing health problem, or a rebellious child – to name just a few. Sorting out whether a situation calls for us to stay or to go is tricky and shouldn’t be undertaken lightly. As Dr. Phil repeatedly advises, in a marriage with children, you have to earn your way out: prayer, counseling, legal advice, more prayer, etc.

I like the classic book, The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner that goes into far greater detail on gracefully stepping away or drawing closer. Don’t we ultimately want to dance through life – riding rhythms of energy, creativity, love and service – and “mount up with wings as eagles” (Isaiah 40:31). A final remembered quote: We are constantly deciding whether to love or pass unswervingly by.

The world doesn’t acknowledge God much anymore, especially not in a positive way – how we miss out! From Proverbs 3:5-6, 11-12:

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. . .
My son, despise not the chastening of the Lord; neither be weary of his correction:
For whom the Lord loveth he correcteth; even as a father the son in whom he delighteth.

Getting spiritual answers is like finding lily of the valley blooms in my grandmother’s garden as a child. They were hiding under the greenery and I had to push it aside to find them, a lot like pushing aside our daily busyness to find God. More and more, I find it’s worth the trouble to pray, then wait for inspiration.

Lily of the Valley
Courtesy Pixabay.com

Waiting Upon the Lord

Last week I got stuck for a topic for my weekly post. No idea I tried out really went anywhere. Then I happened to see a rebroadcast of the Elizabeth Gilbert interview on PBS’ Great Conversations that I had mentioned in a previous post, The Gems Within – specifically her observation that there is a spirit in the universe that’s seeking human expression. If we don’t let it work in us, it will move on to someone else who will respond.

This time, though, I was struck by a different thought. She reported that a songwriter friend of hers would either get stuck for inspiration or not be able to develop any ideas he did have. He told Elizabeth he would have a conversation with this spirit and say, “I really need you to show up – I can’t do this on my own!” I realized that I had felt that inspiration on all earlier posts and I sure needed it now. After all, God inspired me to start this blog, and I’ve been so happy to get reports that a particular post had given a reader a needed boost or insight, in ways I can only attribute to the Lord’s special knowledge of their needs.

So I decided to not force it but just keep praying and thinking until I felt that familiar rush of excitement and certainty that I was on the right track. It’s getting the focus or central thought right, then everything else falls into place. That was Thursday night and I’d been pondering for two days. I got up last Friday morning and the idea “showed up.” It was almost a duh! because the inspiration that got me out of being stuck was writing about being stuck! (One Foot Into the Darkness)

So today’s post is really a continuation of last week’s – the first step or that first blow on a wedge is our part. I’d sorted through my thoughts and started to write, but I couldn’t proceed without divine inspiration. Receiving that required a different sort of action – active waiting – mirroring this scripture from Isaiah:

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength;
they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary;
and they shall walk, and not faint. (Isaiah 40:31)

Now I get this scripture and I really learned the lesson through teaching Sunday School for over two years. I could study and lay out a lesson, but on my own I struggled to create the right focus or impact. I needed to think, ask, and wait, then repeat as often as necessary. (Hey, that could be a book title, like Eat, Pray, Love!)

It was active waiting, expectant waiting, anticipatory waiting that got my silent partner to participate. The guidance was subtle and often last minute, but it always came. And it brought an excitement that felt just like I’d expect mounting up with the wings as eagles to feel. That three-way connection between me, my readers, and God is a total trip, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and socially. It’s not work, it’s fulfillment – thanks for participating!

For more insights, you might read the LDS Bible Dictionary on Prayer, the next to last paragraph, available online or the linked scriptures in the LDS Topical Guide under Ask.

From The Virgin of the Rocks, Leonardo da Vinci
The National Gallery, London, public domain image

A Dog Named Jake

We often comment on how people influence us, but today my memories center on a dog. His owner Bob was a friend during my days in New Hampshire. Bob was a great guy and so was his black Labrador, Jake. He was a powerful, strong-willed animal whose profile jutted into the wind like a ship’s figurehead. But ironically, he was also calm and very obedient to Bob’s commands. When we were visiting, Jake would lie quietly and not disrupt our visit. When it was time to go out and play catch, he was all over it, tail-wagging and eager. I asked Bob what made Jake such a terrific dog. His answer: “Because I’m a fascist with him!” He didn’t mean that he was harsh with Jake, just clear and very firm.

One day when Bob got up to leave, I stayed in my rocking chair with Jake on the floor beside me. As soon as Bob called for Jake to leave, he immediately followed Bob without looking back. I remembered I hadn’t said goodbye to Jake as I always did. I called out to him – he immediately turned on a dime and came right over, wagging his tail. I scratched his ears and shared a nice moment; then they were gone.

I want to be like Jake: moving forward decisively without hesitation but also able to make a course correction, even an extreme one, quickly and with grace. My recent home re-organization could easily have created resistance since it came with some real surprises and serious drudgery, as well as shrinking my world. Coming to the end of my “40 years in the wilderness” had left me listless and drained. After a week of puttering, watching movies in the afternoon, and sleeping in, energy was emerging and well-being was returning. I now had a clear choice: drag my feet looking back or just go with it, like Jake.

Then I remembered an old Native American custom: When their people were sad or stuck, they would make them walk along a moving river until their emotions and thoughts moved too. So I just started moving more: parking myself at the computer, putting the last books in place, going for walks, calling old friends. I remembered my love of bike riding. It’s pretty hard to balance when you’re stopped but so easy and free when you’re moving.

Finally, when my thoughts needed rearranging, I often played Free Cell on my laptop. Okay, it’s my guilty secret, so sue me! But as I rearrange cards, I play with my thoughts, like fingering marbles in my pocket. A half hour or an hour later, I have a whole new perspective. Not a bad investment. Capped off with heart-felt prayer and taking direction from my Heavenly Father, I can see clearly once again.

Conclusion: movement is magic! Whether, it’s dancing, sports, housework, or simply spiritual and mental pondering, they can break those resistant log-jams so we don’t get bogged down. Try it, you’ll like it!

Wherefore . . . seek not to counsel the Lord, but to take counsel from his hand.
For behold, ye yourselves know that he counseleth in wisdom, and in justice, and in great mercy,
over all his works. (Book of Mormon, Jacob 4:10)

A Dog Named Jake
Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 143753

The Field Lies Fallow

I’ve been struggling to put my thoughts on paper this week and they hadn’t come together by yesterday when I decided – duh! – to finally pray about it. Immediately the title “The Field Lies Fallow” sprang to mind. Perhaps there was a reason I suddenly felt blah, creatively.

Looking to the past, I realized that I was completing a personal “40 years in the wilderness” this month. In May of 1974, I decisively put my foot on the path of a Christian, having received my first answer to prayer and making a real change in lifestyle. Those 40 years were spent reconciling my three identities: Iowa school girl, New England hippie, and Utah Mormon. It’s been a long trek, punctuated with many blessings, certainly, but also almost constant adversity. Just as the ancient Israelites had to leave Egypt and wander 40 years in the desert of Sinai, to lose its worldly ways, I had to learn to live by Christian principles through the things I experienced.

Looking to the future, I sense new directions on the horizon. I’ve just completed a massive reorganization of my home. I doubled, maybe tripled my energy level by using St. John’s Wort for seasonal fatigue and probiotics for improved digestion. I was excited to expand my writing online, find new real estate clients, and return to family history research.

Coincidentally, my Sunday School lesson last week was about Joshua as Moses’ successor and how he prepared the 12 tribes of Israel for the new challenge of entering, then conquering the Promised Land of Canaan. If they would study and ponder the ancient scriptures, rededicate themselves spiritually, then exercise faith and courage, the Lord promised Joshua and all Israel:

“As I was with Moses, so I will be with thee: I will not fail thee, nor forsake thee.” (Joshua 1:5)

His first challenge soon appeared. Joshua and the Priesthood of Israel had to hold back the waters of the Jordan River for the Israelites to cross over on dry ground, then they conquered Jericho, not through human strength but by obeying instructions from the Lord that must have seemed crazy (walk around the city blowing a trumpet for six days, then seven times on the seventh day, finally giving a loud shout), from Joshua 6. The Israelites had prepared inwardly and then triumphed outwardly as the walls of Jericho all fell down at their shout.

What are the odds that I would be assigned this particular lesson that so closely mirrored my own path? I felt deeply touched and reassured I would have God’s support in whatever lay ahead. How often are we all faced with a new chapter or challenge in our lives, must “gird up our loins” with greater faith, and step into darkness with courage? I think that Joshua’s promise holds true for all people who sincerely seek after what’s good and true.

Finally, I remembered a lovely book, The Faithful Gardener by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. (See my review under Books.) Her opening quote says:

New seed is faithful. It roots deepest in the places that are most empty.

I realized that I wasn’t giving myself time to become empty or “lie fallow” so I could mediate, rededicate, and renew myself. I will slow down in the coming weeks and let the future creep up on me the way plants come back after a forest fire or grass emerges each spring.

Whether your journey changes course through a happy change or through fiery adversity, good can always arise from those ashes. Ms. Estés concludes with A Prayer:

Refuse to fall down.
If you cannot refuse to fall down,
refuse to stay down.
If you cannot refuse to stay down,
lift your heart towards heaven,
and like a hungry beggar,
ask that it be filled,
And it will be filled.
You may be pushed down.
You may be kept from rising.
But no one can keep you
from lifting your heart
toward heaven –
only you.
It is in the middle of misery
that so much becomes clear.
The one who says nothing good
came of this,
is not yet listening.

Fallow Field Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 140589

The Field Lies Fallow
Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 140589

Moms and Sparrows

Bird feeders are a tradition in my family. My grandfather was an expert on the birds of eastern Iowa. We had a feeder right outside the kitchen window growing up and delighted in watching cardinals, blue jays, chickadees and sparrows come to feed. My daughter gave me the feeder she could no longer use, and I hung it above my back patio. I enjoy the dapper juncos who come only in the winter and the sparrows, wrens and mourning doves who come in the warm months with their lively chatter and carefree life.

Last July I noticed something new. While perched on the feeder, some of the sparrows were putting seeds directly into the mouths of the birds next to them. Then I realized that those were their fledgling babies, and they were teaching them how to find and eat their own food. What a treat to witness this annual event – and what a testament to devoted motherhood.

© Sander van der Wel 2010 Courtesy of Flickr.com

On Mother’s Day, I remembered those sparrows and then my own departed Mom. I was thankful for the many wonderful meals and good talks we shared.

I was asked to speak in church for this occasion, so I rolled out a favorite fictional woman: Dorothea Brooks, a frustrated idealist who never had any great achievements. She was a lead character in Middlemarch, an English novel set in the 1800’s and then a PBS Masterpiece Classic. The narrator ended by saying:

Dorothea had no dreams of being praised above other women, feeling that there was always something better that she might have done if she’d only been better and known better. Her full nature spent itself in deeds which left no great name on the earth but the effect of her being on those around her was incalculable. For the growing good of the world is partly dependent on un-historic acts and all those Dorotheas who live faithfully their hidden lives and rest in unvisited tombs . . . .

My mother was the opposite, a celebrated portrait artist whose hundreds of paintings graced many homes and public buildings, blessing countless lives. But her children don’t remember all those paintings nearly as much as her vibrant spirit, high standards, and great heart. She truly was the heart and center of our home. Right after her funeral when the family was gathered with Dad at their house, God’s Spirit suddenly opened my mind. I could actually see her vibrant energy literally living on in all of us as well as our children, each in our own way.

I think most of us leave very little mark on the outer world and are more like the humble sparrow feeding her babies one seed at a time. But I also think we leave indelible hand prints on the lives and hearts of our descendants and thereby make a very real contribution to “the growing good of the world.”

He Heals My Heart

Finding God's Grace in Today's World