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The Gift of Time

Many, many years ago when I was a newly divorced mother, I was seeking answers about why my personal path went so seriously off the rails. I wondered what my part was in both my marriage and the divorce that followed, so I wouldn’t repeat it, As I looked at the deep psychological layers within, I knew I faced a daunting journey. I sought guidance from the Universe, participated in meditation groups, learned astrology, and took a good look at psychic phenomena. I was pretty much raised without religion and was now a “New England hippie,” seeking answers in that culture. Then one night, I had a dream with that extra energy and impact that happens pretty rarely but where you know it’s from a divine source and a real answer to our deep questions. Here’s the dream:

I approached the edge of a swimming pool and somehow knew I needed to complete a difficult challenge and one that appeared almost physically impossible. I was to sit on an old-fashioned wood straight-back chair with its back to the water, perched on the edge of the pool. I was to sit there and hurl my legs up and over my head so that I and the chair would land in the water, but without the chair hitting me! So I sat there until I realized I wasn’t going anywhere until I tackled this. Gathering all my energy, I threw my legs up and somehow managed a complete revolution, landing feet first in the water, farther out than the chair.

Next, I knew I had to swim to the bottom to see what light or message awaited me there. Once again I faced a challenge because the water was murky with tendrils of seaweed floating up from the depths. But it was the only way forward, so I did a surface dive and pushed through the seaweed. Oddly, it never actually touched me but parted as I approached it. And I didn’t seem to need to breathe and could just keep going. Quicker than I imagined, the seaweed disappeared and I was on the bottom where I was greeted by a sand bottom, not concrete, The sides of the pool had been ringed with nicely sculpted granite and with normal concrete sides, but this bottom was like what you’d find at the bottom of a natural pond. Yellow-green light filtered down from above. The sand was tinged with a little natural material, not pristine but with a clean, comfortable normalcy. I started to swim around looking for what I was meant to find.

Pretty shortly, I saw a watch on the sand. It had a yellow patent-leather watchband and a Mickey Mouse face! I laughed because there was so much of childhood in it, even whimsy. When I later discussed this with a friend, she suggested that yellow symbolized “The Gift of Time,” meaning when I finally got to the bottom of my soul and understood my path, I would be given the gift of time and a new life.

I have harkened back to the this dream many times, and it’s given me renewed hope to keep trudging in the darker times we all experience. I even bought a Mickey Mouse watch at Disneyland years ago! And I found a picture on a greeting card that further symbolized my journey. I call it my Winter Lady. Here it is:

Winter Pilgrim, from Greeting Card

She isn’t warmly dressed, has inadequate sandals on for a walk through snow, but the bright snow flakes speak of inspiration and encouragement from spiritual sources, and the determination and sparkle in her eyes speak of the triumphal journey’s end she seeks. I was on this journey for over 40 years!

Recently, I’ve had indications that my long journey is approaching a turn in the road. In December 2019, the Holy Spirit whispered to me that I was being released from financial struggle. I had refinanced my house that fall and then in 2020, I sold that house for a healthy profit, enabling me to downsize into a very nice apartment in a senior complex in Utah, with no debt and money in the bank. I can now focus on inspirational writing, education publishing and making referrals in real estate. Whoopie – my soul’s work, at last. The new life approaches!

Finally, in keeping with Signs follow them that believe (Mark 16:17), I had a small, but eerie experience. I’ve struggled twice a year to reset my car’s clock. The owner’s manual didn’t help – all I could manage was to adjust the hours but not the minutes – aargh! Finally I gave up and just lived with the minutes being off. This week I tried one more time and happened to push the Time button twice and guess what? The minutes flashed and I could adjust them. Then I pushed it once and the hours flashed – I am on the correct time for the first time in some years. As background, I’ve been playing catch-up with my own life because I focused on digging out the past and bringing that part of me up to speed. Is my soul also on correct time, finally?

I’m finally settled in and can see only new projects ahead, and with very little residue from the past (at least for now). My children and grandchildren are gathering here this weekend to celebrate my son’s birthday and also just getting together. One way or another all six of us are launching new lives so we all have exciting horizons to celebrate. What a trip! to use an old hippie phrase. It’s full-on spring and now I can embrace the sister picture to the one above that I call my Summer Lady. Here she is (thank you, Claude Monet):

Claude Monet, Woman with Parasol, Musee D’Orsay, Paris, Image in Public Domain

Even long seasons of adversity have an end – a sure promise from God. If you don’t believe me, read the Book of Job!

And in an Anne of Green Gables sequel movie, Anne tells her spinster headmistress (of the school where Anne teaches): It’s a long road without any turning! The headmistress was visiting Anne during the summer break and catches the eye of a middle-aged bachelor, commenting with amazement that this could happen so late in her life. Anne’s reply has an archetypal ring to it. It embodies God’s promises that all sorrow will eventually turn to joy, and release from adversity will come.

I hope this story brings you as much hope as it brings me. And remember: Signs follow them that believe! And adversity does end, sooner for those who keep working for their dreams and squarely face the challenges of growth!

Just a Little Chipmunk in God’s Big Forest

I recently had a giant spiritual and intellectual breakthrough. Reading my New Testament study materials unearthed some classic quotes by Stephen Robinson in his book, Believing Christ.

Here’s one: Not only must we believe that he is who he says he is, we must also believe that he can do what he says he can do. We must not only believe in Christ, we must also believe Christ when he says he can clean us up and make us celestial. He says that through his atoning blood, all mankind may be saved—and “all mankind” must logically include you and me. So until we accept the real possibility of our own exaltation in the kingdom of God, we do not yet have faith in Christ; we do not yet believe.  (Stephen E. Robinson, Believing Christ, p. 9-10)   

I had heard this thought several times before but this time it hit me where I live – on a deeply emotional level. My struggles with faith in God’s love for me, and my difficulty trusting that my experience in God’s Kingdom would be any different from my mortal, social experience, got a gigantic boost.

Then I remembered part of a priesthood blessing my Mother once received from her Bishop. Paraphrasing, he said that “her life had been the most perfect life she could have been given for her personal growth and spiritual development.” Her life was filled with a custom mix of great adversity and great blessings. While my Mother was a very talented portrait artist, she wasn’t really any different than the rest of us. So if that was true for her and God is a just God and “no respecter of persons” (New Testament, Acts 10:34-5), it must also be true for absolutely every one of us!

Suddenly I pictured the world as this enormous, pulsating, 3D tapestry – throbbing with energy, color, light and dark – as all us mortals bumping up against each other and our circumstances. Our freedom to choose drives all our actions, but consequences we can’t dictate are our ultimate teachers.

Tapestry of Life on Earth

So what are Christ’s promises that I’ve struggled to trust?

I know Heavenly Father and our Savior Jesus Christ want the highest and best for us eternally: to “raise us up at the last day, to dwell with them in glory” forever. Therefore, we can rejoice and absolutely trust that all our good choices will actually get us somewhere far grander than we can possibly imagine.

On a personal level: Years ago, my landlord let me tend our mutual front garden. I edged it with used brick, planted flowers, ferns, and installed stepping stones. As I dug in the dirt, I also dug out some old hurts and watered the ground with my tears. It helped to express them. It also helped to feel sorrow for the ways I had hurt others and strengthen my resolve to do better. I experienced both emotional healing and the Lord’s forgiveness – truly a time when my Savior “did not leave me comfortless.”

Then an image popped into my mind of the playful chipmunks I grew up seeing in our yard – alive and carefree – trusting that their lives would unfold as they were supposed to. This not only took a burden off my shoulders, but off my future as well, bringing a whole new meaning to “living in the moment” and trusting God with the rest!

Just a Chipmunk in God’s Forest

28 Months

Today marks 28 months since I first conceived the idea of doing a deeper organization of my home and possessions. I started with possibly the most un-fun job – dejunking my files! Who likes paperwork, now I ask you? But I decided that it was time to marry an old system of putting documents in 3-ring binders by topic with the file folders in drawers, which were quicker but less usable. I started in December 2014 and it took me into January, about five weeks of chaining myself to my desk singing along to Broadway musicals, like Oklahoma and Showboat.

Then I tackled my cramped kitchen, finding yet more alternate pantry space, then my linen closet turned household supply cupboard. After an inspirational spiritual preparedness fair in March 2015 and praying earnestly for goal-setting guidance, I had a vision of a large storage unit stocked with bins and books for the future. Three months later, reality matched the vision. Then in quick succession I worked with rural buyers, researched a home to rent for myself in the rural areas west of me, found a home to buy instead, listed my current rental for my landlord, moved, put in a large garden, found renters for my bonus room, settled in, redid my legal paperwork and battled a second bout of Epstein Barr virus (chronic fatigue) all winter. By New Year’s, I felt like I was in “House Jail” and I wanted out!

Elderberry syrup quickly banished the virus, spring banished the blues, and as I emerged from those 27 months, I found I needed to banish lingering personal doubts and fears about my future – I still wasn’t done. Did I deserve prosperity and higher levels of success and creativity? So I’ve spent an additional month working through this last obstacle – the 28th month! I listened to countless Tabernacle Choir broadcasts, Vocal Pointe’s Christmas concert, and meditated on God’s many invitations throughout the scriptures to trust Him and to trust in His promises to bless our efforts, however imperfect. And I’m making headway – I truly feel “a perfect brightness of hope” as many of my insecurities are healed. (1 Nephi 31:20, Book of Mormon)

I may be just like the plant below, emerging out into the sunshine through hardened layers of habit, doubt and fear.

Breaking Through Obstacles
Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 1147803

Why was I doing this? To create an expanded future, with more time for family and friends, for inspirational writing, for community and church service, and I now have time and energy for them. I feel like a kid on the last day of school facing a long, wonderful summer – whoopie!

This 28-month trek was like the last room in the fairy tale, Rumpelstitskin, where the miller boasted to the king that his daughter could spin straw into gold, but she was in trouble when the king put her to the test! She was promised she could marry him if she would actually spin a room of straw into gold. You all know what happened:  a funny little man showed up and magically did the work for her in exchange for her ring. The king, seeing a bonanza, delayed fulfilling his promise and gave her a bigger room of straw. Her mysterious friend rescued her once again in exchange for her necklace. A final challenge, however, found her with the biggest room of straw yet and nothing with which to pay this funny little man. He suggested she give him her first born child and, thinking she would never have to actually do it, she agreed. The straw was turned to gold, the king finally kept his promise and, in due time, the miller’s daughter had a beautiful child. When the funny little man showed up demanding payment, she was stuck unless she could guess his name. Numerous failures ensued, but finally one of her huntsmen overheard a funny little man dancing around a fire chanting a rhyme that contained his name. Appearing one last time before the young queen, he was flabbergasted when she pronounced his name, Rumpelstitskin, and he dissolved, screaming, into ash.

I believe this, like all fairy tales, is an allegory about life. When we face “impossible” tasks, something or someone magical shows up to help us but it costs us something (faith, courage, work, time, etc.). When our usual talents and resources aren’t enough, the largest challenges require extra brilliance, inspiration, and help from the unseen spiritual forces around all of us.

Willow Cathedral
Courtesy Pixabay.com Image 90987

But the good news is that, because there is goodness in the universe that ultimately rewards effort and sacrifice, we get to “marry the king” and break through into a newness of life. As I emerge from my latest cocoon of struggle (larger than all past ones), new horizons beckon me like the tunnel above. They’re green, inviting, and exciting – far from the drudgery of the past. And I have hope this truly was the last room before greater support systems show up and allow me a more “normal” pace of life and expanded effectiveness. Stay tuned for updates….

In one of those serendipitous happenings, I just finished reading a Maisie Dobbs mystery where our likable British “Investigator and Psychologist” comes to a major crossroads in Leaving Everything Most Loved, to travel into adventure. Her fears were soothed by a wise Indian woman who reassured her with these words:

I’ll tell you this. Leaving that which you love breaks your heart open. But you will find a jewel inside, and this precious jewel is the opening of your heart to all that is new and all that is different, and it will be the making of you – if you allow it to be.

These words reflected my experience leaving my marriage, leaving New Hampshire where I spent the happiest six years of my life, leaving Eagle last year and many well-loved friends. But each move has brought new adventures and new friends, making their own memories. The rewards have been worth the pain of change.

Eternal Life – Part 2 – Worlds Without Number

Once the Hubble Telescope was launched and repaired, scientists could see far deeper into the universe than ever before. They focused on the darkest spot they could find in the heavens, then counted the number of galaxies they could see. They were stunned to see at least 10,000.

Galaxies in Hubble Deep Field
Courtesy Pixabay.com

How many stars is that? Estimates range from 100 to 400 billion stars just in our own Milky Way! 10,000 galaxies x 100,000,000,000 stars is huge and that’s the conservative estimate for just that one spot. Scientists estimate there are between 125 billion to 2 trillion galaxies in the whole universe. I won’t even tackle how many stars that is. This gives new meaning to worlds without number – see below.

Billions of Stars in a Single Galaxy
Courtesy Pixabay.com 

In the LDS scripture, Pearl of Great Price, Book of Moses, we read:
And worlds without number have I created; and I also created them for mine own purpose; and by the Son I created them, which is mine Only Begotten (Moses 1:33).  This may not be authoritative for non-members of the Mormon Church, but in the New Testament we read:
In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. (John 14:2)

I don’t know about you, but the idea of having my own world or “mansion” is pretty thrilling. Think how much we enjoy a new home, however modest. I’m having a blast feathering my nest in my new house and cultivating a large garden. How about designing and cultivating an entire world! This makes any sacrifice I make to walk the Christian path seem minuscule and puts fresh heart into me for the uphill climb.

From Psalms 8:3-6:

3 When I consider thy heavens, the work of thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which thou hast ordained;  4 What is man, that thou art mindful of him? and the son of man, that thou visitest him?  5 For thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honour.  6 Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of thy hands; thou hast put all things under his feet . . . .

This post harkens back to an earlier one, The Three Pillars of Eternity: #1 The Creation. None of what I’ve said above makes any sense if we don’t believe there’s a Creator and that He consciously created not just this world, but all worlds. Is there a God? If so, where does that belief lead us? How does that influence how we live and how we regard the future? These are all questions I think the stark realities of mortality pose to each of us individually.

I, for one, choose to believe and live with faith and hope. Good wishes to all in your journey through this mortal life.

The Milky Way Seen Through Utah’s Delicate Arch
Courtesy Pixabay.com

The Three Pillars of Eternity: #3 The Atonement

Today is Easter Sunday when Christians celebrate the Resurrection of Jesus Christ, providing universal immortality. We are all also given an invitation to repent and be forgiven, as well as be healed of all our mortal sorrows.

In my previous post on The Fall, I recounted highlights from my own healing journey and how God’s grace blessed my stumbling efforts. The broken pieces of my childhood are finally mended, so I can look forward to future creative growth without that drag on my footsteps. Hooray! It’s a mini-resurrection for me. I have much work to do and growth to make, never fear, but that’s one challenge I can finally put “Paid” to. So yes, Humpty Dumpty can be put together again!

But no effort of mine nor anyone else’s can mend mankind’s fundamental brokenness. That happened through Adam and Eve choosing between two conflicting commandments: Multiply and replenish the Earth (Genesis 1:28) and Do not eat of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil (Genesis 2:17). If they had stayed in the garden of Eden, they couldn’t have had children. By partaking of the fruit from the Tree of Knowledge, they gave life to the warning that they would surely die, meaning they would enter mortality with its condition of certain physical death. But only by doing this could they have children and fulfill the first commandment.

Why would Heavenly Father give contradictory commandments? I believe, along with many religious scholars, that He did this so that the Fall would come about by choice, not compulsion – a fundamental law of Heaven. And that fall into mortality was universal for all humankind. Latter-day Saints leaders label it a transgression rather than a sin, and it was a blessing in disguise – we couldn’t progress without the Fall.

And mankind has all “surely died” since then. Can any effort of ours overturn this awful condition? People have long sought for the Fountain of Youth or a magical path to immortality, but always in vain.

That’s why we needed a Savior, someone with more than mortal power. In an almost unbelievable story, we’re told that Jesus Christ volunteered to be that Savior in pre-mortality. He would be half God, half mortal. His mortal half could experience life as we know it, suffering all our temptations, trials, and deprivations. His Godly half would have extra strength to resist evil and super intelligence to understand all things. Most important, He would have power over death just as Heavenly Father has.

To be our Savior, he had to live a perfect, sinless life of His own free will and choice, then choose to be unjustly sacrificed for all our sins and sufferings, hence the phrase “sacrificial lamb.” The ancient Israelites were taught about this upcoming event and practiced actual animal sacrifice of a perfect, lamb “without blemish” each year on Passover, so the lesson would be imprinted deeply on their minds and hearts, with the prospect of their (and our) coming Messiah.

The scriptures give us the glorious tidings that Jesus fulfilled His mission perfectly, suffering every pain, sin, temptation, and sorrow of mankind willingly. Once the “uttermost farthing” was paid, He gave up His life voluntarily – no one could take it from Him. Instead of endless night and bondage to evil for eternity, all people will be resurrected and permanently escape death! It’s my testimony that this is the true story of life.

But will all people have the same place in the eternal world (Heaven)? The big picture promises resurrection and the hope of eternal progression in worlds of glory if we choose to come unto Christ and live the laws of life (The Ten Commandments, The Sermon on the Mount, etc.). Most important, we must repent of wrongdoing promptly for:

And no unclean thing can enter into his kingdom;
therefore nothing entereth into his rest save it be those
who have washed their garments in my blood,
because of their faith, and the repentance of all their sins,
and their faithfulness unto the end. (Book of Mormon, 3 Nephi 27:19)

And from Isaiah:

Depart ye, depart ye, go ye out from thence,
touch no unclean thing; go ye out of the midst of her;
be ye clean, that bear the vessels of the Lord. (Isaiah 52:11)

In Joy to the World, our joy comes from the Atonement:

No more will sin and sorrow grow,
Nor thorns infest the ground;
He’ll come and make the blessings flow
Far as the curse was found,
Far as the curse was found . . . .

One LDS doctrine that is not often heard elsewhere is that there are various levels of glory in eternity. In my Father’s house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. (New Testament, John 14:2). How we lived on earth and the intents of our hearts will determine our dwelling place in the next life. Even terrible sinners will be given some level of glory if they haven’t completely turned against God, Christ and the Atonement. What great mercy this gives. See the upcoming blog post, Eternal Life – Part 2 – Worlds without Number.  We call the foundational universal resurrection, Immortality and the opportunity to progress farther to higher realms of glory, Eternal Life. We can then advance to higher and higher realms through our own choice and consciously striving for greater righteousness, coupled with grace.

The little picture promises divine guidance during our mortal journey, healing of our broken pieces, and rich rewards for our feeble efforts now. No matter how long it takes, our own personal curse, like Job’s, will be removed and the Lord will bless “our latter end more than our beginning” (Job 42:12).

The true end of our mortal journey is the promised Second Coming of Christ with the promised life beyond, a truly great day for the faithful, and the real promise of Easter!

The Second Coming by Harry Anderson Courtesy The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints

The Second Coming by Harry Anderson
Courtesy The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints